Religious Ranting

“The trouble with all non-catholics is, they’re all so damn touchy,” an inebriated fellow bellowed across the bar. Considering the dive was full of liberals and confirmed agnostics, the remark was the conversational equivalent of throwing a brick wrapped in firecrackers.

He glared defiantly into the room. “I dare you – double dare you – to take a swipe at Judaism, Islam, even born-agains!”

I demurred. “Because you’re smart,” he continued, still bellowing. “Do that and THEY will come down on you like a hammer on a nail – and don’t even think of drawing any funny cartoons!”

I already seriously regretted getting involved. “But draw a picture of our Lord ****ing the Virgin Mary with a sandwich and you’ll probably get a state art prize.” By now everyone was staring into their drinks. “My point is, if you’re going to believe – not that I do – may as well be Catholicism. You can eat, drink and wear what you want. Say what you want. No ostracism. No suicide bombers. Mit uns kann man’s ja machen (we can take it).”

And with that, our blasphemer finished his drink and left – leaving me with his bill.

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